


Thoughts

by Chelou_mecs_in_love



Series: one shots [2]
Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Eliott's thoughts, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Lucas supporting Eliott, M/M, Sad, Sad Eliott, Thinking too much, life can just be too much sometime, supportive boyfriends, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 08:42:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18847558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chelou_mecs_in_love/pseuds/Chelou_mecs_in_love
Summary: Eliott is having a hard time adjusting to life again after getting back home from the perfect weekend away with his boyfriend. Fortunately for him, Lucas is there when he needs him the most.





	Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah.. This is basically me just spitting out my own thoughts through Eliott... I'm sorry Eliott, for writing another sad story using you as my way to do so...

He doesn’t know what to do. Everything is just too much. Everyone keeps pushing him, keeps asking him what they can do to help. But the thing is, he doesn’t know. No one can do anything, really. He doesn’t even know what to do himself. He just wants to stay hidden, lying in bed. Away from the world. Away from all the responsibilities, all the questions, all the good-natured comments. He knows people just want to help him. But they are not. They’re making it worse. They’re making him feel worse. He knows all he needs to do is just talk to his teachers, talk to his supervisor. But he can’t. How can he explain that he wants to finish the internship? That he does want to help people, but he just doesn’t want to think about all the other things? 

He doesn’t want to write assignments, he doesn’t want to write reports every freaking week. It’s just so exhausting. Talking about why he does things the way he does. He doesn’t even know himself. He just knows he likes helping people, wanting to make them feel better. Even if he himself feels like shit all the time. At least helping others makes him feel good. Why can’t he just help others without analyzing every step he takes? Without explaining why he does or doesn’t do certain things. He knows why. Because it’s a learning curve. It’s about looking at his own behavior and learning from it. But it’s just too much. 

Thinking about why he does things is too much. He’s been doing that all his life. Overanalyzing every little thing. Thinking about stuff that happened 4 years ago. He does that. He knows he does it. He doesn’t need some assignment to know. He doesn’t need his supervisor saying he’s “too much in his own head” to know that. He’s known that forever. He’s always in his own head, never able to escape his own thoughts. Never able to make sense of them. Never knowing why he thinks the way he does. Never able to explain it to people, even though he so desperately wants to do it. He wants to let it all out, but he just can’t. They won’t understand. How can they understand if he himself doesn’t even understand it? 

So here he is, just lying in bed. Thinking about this weekend. The best weekend he’s had in ages. Nothing to worry about but being away with Lucas. Just the two of them. It’s like they lived in this tiny bubble for a while. Just strolling through Paris, enjoying the sun, even enjoying the rain. Laughing whenever they felt like it. Going to expensive restaurants and only ordering crêpes and drinking the free water the restaurant offered, just because they could. Nothing too fancy, just enjoying each other’s company. 

They even went back to la petite ceinture. This time in broad daylight. Just walking around the tracks. Making new memories. Kissing whenever they felt like it. Taking stupid pictures underneath the bridge, just because they could. Lucas even climbed the tree at some point, almost falling out of it and he couldn’t help but laugh. It had just been the two of them, happy and safe. Doing whatever they wanted. 

He had been so happy. But now, every time he thinks back, he has to swallow against the lump in his throat. He just wants to go back. He doesn’t want to think about all the stuff he still has to do for school. Doesn’t want to think about people asking if he’s okay. Asking if they can do anything for him. He just wants to go back and feel happy. Like nothing is bothering him. Just smiling all day, enjoying every little thing, not thinking about stuff. The only important thing being together with his boyfriend, making him happy, seeing him smile and laugh. That’s all he wants to do. Not lay in bed all day and thinking about all the things he has to do, but just can’t do. 

At least he has Lucas. Sweet, caring Lucas, who knows exactly what he needs. Who knows when to push him to talk, but also when to just lay next to him and hold him. But Lucas is at school right now, so he’s left alone. Again. He didn’t have the energy to get out of bed today and Lucas knew this wasn’t a time to push. So he just kissed him when he got out of bed and told him to rest a bit. And that’s what he’s been doing. Just lying in bed. Scrolling through his phone all day. Missing Lucas. 

They’re at the point in their relationship where he can ask Lucas for whatever he wants, whatever he needs. So he does. He opens his phone again and types out a message to Lucas. He just needs him. He knows he shouldn’t do it. Knows Lucas should be focusing on school right now. He knows he shouldn’t bother him. But he also knows this is what Lucas would’ve wanted. Him reaching out, asking for help. So he does. 

“I need you, Lucas”, he types. And with his eyes closed he sends it. Doesn’t want to think about it too much. Doesn’t want to think about the fact that Lucas will probably leave school to get home as fast as he can, just because of the text. He shouldn’t have sent it. Lucas needs to be in class. He doesn’t need to worry about him right now. He shouldn’t have to worry about him. Even thinking about Lucas dropping everything to get home as fast as he can, brings tears to his eyes. 

Why is he feeling like this? Why can’t he stop crying about the smallest things? Like Lucas skipping school to come home. Just because he said he needed the boy. He doesn’t really know what to do with himself. He curls up even more, hiding underneath the blankets, shielding himself from the world. And then Lucas is there, right next to him. Holding him, stroking his hair. 

“I’m here, love. I’m here”. That’s all he needs to hear before breaking down completely. He’s holding on to Lucas for dear life. Clutching his shirt, downright sobbing into his arms and all Lucas does is hold him, kiss him on every part he can reach. His face, his hair, his arms, his hands. Just to comfort him. To tell him he’s safe. To let him know that Lucas really is there. Just for him. No questions asked. 

Lucas knows about all of his thoughts. Knows about how bad it can get. How he can’t explain anything. How sometimes, even the smallest thing will make him break. He doesn’t care that Lucas knows. Lucas is his safe haven now. The one place he feels safe. The only place he wants to be right now. Tucked inside his boyfriend’s arms. So that’s what he does, getting even closer to Lucas. Just enjoying Lucas being there for him. Making him feel safe. It’s not okay. Nothing is okay. His thoughts are still running a mile a minute, but at least Lucas is there. To hold him. To make it bearable, just for this minute. Cause that’s their thing. They take it minute for minute. So that’s what he does. Enjoying this minute. And in this minute, it’s okay. In this minute, he’s in Lucas arms, safe and protected. In this minute, all he needs to do is enjoy that. In this minute, all he needs to feel is the love Lucas is giving him. In this minute, all he wants to do is sleep. So he does.

**Author's Note:**

> I just miss the convention so much and well.. this is kind of the result. I wish I had a Lucas to just lay in bed with..


End file.
